It has been so long since I updated my Work Diary on this blog, and so many things have happened, that I scarcely know where to pick up the thread.
The agency now has a new Head - Yvette. Andrea, the former Head, has been demoted to Account Director (everyone expected her to slink away but in the current recession there is nowhere for her to slink to). Yvette is a monstrous, bad-tempered, bullying woman who swears, shouts and threatens people.
For a while I thought of ending my Work Diary, since discovery would mean the end of everything. Or at least the end of my career in advertising and PR since Yvette knows almost everyone in the trade, and almost everyone knows her. But like Procopius I feel the need to keep a secret record.
Above: as I walked southward along Regents Street, the silver-blue summer dusk and emerging city lights gave a dreamlike glamour to the end of the working day. In the picture, if you follow the pavement along the right you can see half-way down a little side-turning. Just on the corner of this turning is the entrance to Cocoon.
Above: the function room at Cocoon - packed with PRs and very hot.I collected my namebadge from the temporary reception desk and went up the curving stairs and through the restaurant to the function room. This low-ceilinged salon was absolutely packed with PRs networking with each other. The noise was intense and the temperature unbearable, despite all the windows being open.I took a glass of white wine (unchilled) from the bar and made a slow circuit of the room that entailed a great deal of gentle pushing to get through. There was no-one there I recognised. Like Catherine Morland in Northanger Abbey I felt the awkwardness of having no party to join.
I forced myself to approach a pretty blonde girl from Aurora PR and we chatted easily for a while. A large middle-aged woman drifted into the room and joined us. I finished a third glass of the horrible white wine (on an empty stomach).
It was at that point I noticed Andrea standing quite close, and excusing myself from the others I went across and asked her how long she had been at the event. She had arrived before me and had watched my circuit of the room and subsequent dithering with the other waifs and strays. While I had been wasting time she had made quite a lot of progress, collecting business cards from potentially useful contacts.
She introduced me to Justin from Fuel PR, a towering American aged mid-twenties. Then two freelances who might be able to write for one of our clients. Then an elderly man whose name and function I didn't catch (I was on my fifth glass of wine by this time).
Yvette arrived and her position in the room, moving towards us, was immediately apparent from the noise she made and the number of people who greeted her. She must have changed in the office as she was wearing a shapeless gold kaftan of a diaphanous material (silk-like, but not silk I think) that outlined her body as she moved, identifying the rolls of fat around her middle. She laughed constantly with that unique social laugh of hers where she grins and nods her head vigourously and makes a "He he he" sound.
Arriving in our little circle she talked very graciously to Andrea and myself, all the while her cold suspicious eyes flicking around as if she had caught us shirking (which in my case, she had). She refused the white wine, giving the glass back to the waiter and insisting on champagne. After a little arguing she got her way, and the waiter returned with a tray of champagne flutes although so rude had Yvette been to him that I wondered if he had spat in each of the glasses (he would be justified in doing so).
Yvette, Andrea and myself withdrew to the edge of the room where Yvette wanted to know who we had spoken to and what new business we had identified. Andrea went through the business cards she had collected. Then it was my turn to explain what I had done at the event.
However, just at that moment there was a presentation in the middle of the room. A "body wrap" was demonstrated by a model and an assistant who dextrously wrapped her up ("She has wrapped Vannessa Feltz" the presenter announced). This presentation went on for about twenty minutes, and at the end of it a middle-aged man with dyed black hair came up to suggest to Yvette that they had dinner in the restaurant.
"We'll catch up in the office" Yvette said to me. As soon as they disappeared from sight I left the event. I was given a goodie bag on the way out.
Postscript: days later I arrived at work and Chris (does Accounts) immediately said in a whisper "Have you seen Yvette today! Have you
seen her! She's thin!"
I went into Yvette's office to look at her and she was indeed improbably thin.
"She must have had the body wrap" Andrea said.