Friday, September 27, 2013

"I hope you enjoyed my Tesco FINEST Paella you thieving little shit!"

A note has apparently appeared on the Guardian staff noticeboard today: "I hope you enjoyed my Tesco FINEST Paella you thieving little shit!"

The complainant presumably does not understand that we are living in a post-Miliband-speech world in which the principles of socialism are once more in vogue.

Therefore here are a few pointers Mr/Ms Complainant should bear in mind:

1  From each according to their means to each according to their needs - the person who took the paella obviously needed the paella so quit complaining.

2  All property is theft.  You cannot "own" a paella, it is the common property of the people.  You have no more right to that paella than anyone else.

3  The paella was unused at the time it was liberated - are you some kind of blood-sucking capitalist to sit on assets surplus to your actual requirement (and don't give me that guff about wanting it in the future as we cannot afford people accumulating extra paellas any more than we can afford people sitting on banks of land on the spurious grounds they might be needed in the future).

4  Your capitalised use of the word "FINEST" has been noted - what sort of bourgeois class enemy are you to consume "FINEST" food instead of the proletarian fare everyone else has to eat!  Engels would have you shot for this alone (were he still alive and working for the Guardian).

5  What sort of class traitor are you to shop at Tesco - an evil organisation that thrives on unpaid neo-slave work experience.

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