Lots of casual speculation

Although I now only work for the Institute part-time (48 hours per month) this is supplemented by so many briefing meetings, phone calls and skype sessions that I seem to be working harder than ever.

I still have a desk at the old offices, but the Institute moves out soon and in any case the place is almost empty and a complete mess.  There is no room for me in the new offices, which are tiny.  I am working from home, but I am aware of the adage "out of sight, out of mind", which in a campaigning organisation is a disadvantage.

Saturday briefing meeting in London, held in Alec Nussbaum's flat a short walk from High Street Kensington. 

It was a basement flat ("be careful of the steps").  Linear in style - study, bedroom, then kitchen, then living room, then bathroom.  All the rooms white painted and painfully neat and tidy.  Right at the back a little court filled with greenery in planters, the bathroom window open on one side.  No sign of Mrs Nussbaum (who has never been seen by anyone).  In the living room one oil painting of a gloomy Baltic waterfront circa 1910, presumably the German home of the Nussbaums before...

Six of us in total, and we held our meeting round the massive refectory table.  Because there was so little room I was jammed between the table and the white wall, and therefore felt slightly stressed during the meeting that I would mark the wall in some way.  Everyone had laptops except myself - I relied on documents, and managed perfectly well.

For lunch we went out to Pret a Manger and brought things back.

Lots of casual speculation about whether "Boris" could become leader of the No side.

Everything came to an end at 4pm.  The day had resulted in a long list of things for  me to do, so that I felt exhausted just looking at them.  As we prepared to go I collected my jacket from the front study where it had been put on a sofa (or sofa bed as it must transform into).

I paused to look at a cabinet of Chinese-looking pots and figures.

Alec Nussbaum, who had followed me down the corridor became effusive when showing me his "little collection":

"Rouleau vase painted in famille noire enamels, it's a tree peony and birds, reign of K'ang Hsi... this is a Minister in robes of state holding a tablet with a figure of a bat or fu, the sign of happiness, again K'ang Hsi... and this (his voice falling to a whisper) is a tomb figure of a dancing girl, T'ang dynasty..."

You can make associations - Conference 4

Closing sessions.

The (over-used) dark star analogy was made (they know we exist, they can feel our influence, but they can't see us...").

MB's talk:

You can't claim to be from an area if you are not...  Lots of negative press...  You can't make causal links but you can make associations...


(MM arrives late and lets the door slam behind him).

RU's talk:

We don't need acceptance by anyone...  We are serving the nation, we are the guardians of Conservatism...  Most of our members are self-chosen...  Respected by communities throughout the world...  Loss of indigenous cultures...  We are not a marginalised movement... 

We are at a tipping point or bifurcation - Conference 3

Saturday 11th October

I left the dinner at about 1am, but was woken at 5am by drunken stumbling and slurred talking in the corridor outside my room, so obviously the gathering did not break up until nearly dawn. 

I could not get back to sleep so I got up at 6 and attempted to watch television (with the sound turned very low), but the channels were so difficult to navigate that I could not find anything worth watching.  I opened the curtains and sat in an armchair reading in the dim early light.  At 8am I went to the restaurant, second person to arrive.

The Conference began at 10am.

JT’s talk:

“I am not interested in representation, I am interested in implementation…  We have experienced a succession of paradigms, one replacing the other…  Normality is followed by crisis is followed by a new paradigm…  A crisis is when there are more anomalies than normalities…  We have to shed the old paradigm…  The challenge now is to reformulate ourselves in a way that is acceptable to the mainstream…  I believe we are at a tipping point or bifurcation…  We are as a nation in trouble…  We are experiencing a double layer of phoniness – straw man dating aunt sally…  Ronald Bell was very cool…  the Black Panthers were against integration, and that’s a good model…  Pre-1945 everything was seamless indigenous culture at one with the nation…  This broke down and we entered an age of fallacy and falsehood…  To get beyond this we cannot go back to pre-45, we have to find a new way…  Pre-45 is done, it’s over, but post-45 is done also…  So what can we put in its place?...  We need to move away from clusters and focus on binding…  One person can influence two hundred people, twenty thousand people properly trained can transform the country…  About ten years ago I was giving a speech to this Institute and someone jumped up and said “You’re not a real Conservative” (at this point an elderly bad-tempered crone got up and said “I did NOT say that!” – everybody laughed)…  We have got to drop our fascination with the mainstream…  We don’t like them, but we keep trying to be like them, that’s stupid…  The mainstream people are all over identity now, they have finally got with the programme…  They are done with identity 1.0 and identity 2.0 and they need identity 3.0 – and we have identity 3.0 ready to go!

After the break was the Closed Session - Conference 2

Friday 10th October

I had asked for a call at 6am, and after washing and dressing I went up to the restaurant for breakfast.  Second person to arrive (it opened at 7pm).  I asked for a table in a back corner, mainly because I did not want anyone to see how greedy I was being – three sausages, two fried eggs, a heap of scrambled egg, two slices of black pudding, two pieces of fried bread, one mushroom, one half of a tomato followed by grapefruit segments, strawberry yoghurt, a pot of drinking yoghurt followed by two Danish pastries, two croissants with marmalade (there wasn’t any apricot jam), a piece of chocolate bread plus a pot of coffee.

After breakfast I went to the exhibitors’ hall.  I was so early I had to ask for it to be unlocked.  Ten stands arranged around the perimeter of the chamber with the central area reserved for the teas and coffees to be served during the breaks.  Because it is a closed conference all the “exhibitors” were internal, mostly campaigns that we want members to get involved with.

I talked to KD (from Head Office) and helped her set up her stand – exuberant thanks for doing this.  We talked about the ghastly SS and how we disliked her pushy ways.  SS arrived and immediately began smoothing the tablecloths so that I would have to move.

I went into the hall next door for the formal start to the Conference.  About 150 members were in the hall, more than I expected.  The Council were seated on the stage with the Institute’s Director Alec Nussbaum and Deputy Director Marcia Walsh.

I was absolutely disgusted to see the young hipster sitting on the stage as a member of Council.  Rough-shaven, tight mustard trousers, open-necked check shirt (tiny checks so the shirt looked grey from a distance.  As there are comparatively few young members of the Institute he is likely to hold the “yoof” place on Council for years to come.

The President of the Institute, a bearded elderly gentleman looking like Leopold II King of the Belgians, made the opening remarks in a stilted style.

About twenty new members then appeared, and lined up in front of the audience to take their Affirmations.  This oath of loyalty makes some people uncomfortable (the Institute as a cult), but it has done more to secure confidentiality over the years than almost any other measure.  I clapped so many times my hands began to hurt.

After the new members had been welcomed Awards were made to members who have contributed to the Institute in terms of Research, Campaigning and Innovation.

After the Awards a few Fellowships were given out.  These are given to long-standing members, usually past Presidents.  I was surprised to see Vijay Singh (former Director of the Institute) given a fellowship but Marcia Walsh told me later he got it to keep him quiet.  As each Fellow went up to the stage he was given a large envelope supposedly containing a certificate although I knew the envelopes were empty (the certificates had not arrived in time).  One of the Fellows insisted on saying a few words (“we are a learning, sharing, caring community” he mumbled).

After the Fellowships the President gave the Presidential Address, starting with a vote of loyalty to the Crown.  Following this very conventional opening he then mischievously told us we were all “outlaws”.  He talked out identity (“We are not defined by what other people think of us.  We define ourselves.  We are defined by our oath of Affirmation…”).   He talked about group mind.  He talked about recruitment (“We don’t choose to be members, we are chosen…”).  Sustained applause with a few people standing up.

A break for morning coffee.  I stood at my table in the hall and tried to interest people in various campaigns we have coming up.  One person who showed an interest was a Canadian – what possible relevance does the Institute have in Canada?

After the break was the Closed Session.  Employees and various others are not supposed to sit in on this, and at the doors Council members were taking the names of everyone going into the hall.  I chose the door guarded by the hipster and just walked past him, assuming (correctly) that he would not be confident enough to challenge me.

I sat at the back where the top table could not see me.  MM arrived just as the doors were closing.  I wanted a glass of water but I did not dare stand up and walk to a side table in case I was seen by a member of Council.

Apologies for absence were read out (“I notice that a number of people on this list are here!”).
Obituaries were read out (this took some time).

Scrutineers were appointed.

Reports previously circulated were listed and questions were asked.

Finance was glossed over, which was surprising given the way we are always told how little money we have.

Discussion of the Journal and its cost (high because the print run is so low due to the restricted circulation).

I felt myself dehydrating due to the air conditioning.

Then came the Special Resolutions.  The meeting became increasingly acrimonious with many personal remarks flying across the hall.  The general behaviour of a bow-tied middle-aged member was questioned and he snarled back “If I want to smoke a spliff I’ll smoke a spliff”, shocking the silver-haired gentlemen and elderly desiccated ladies (“you’re all fanatics”).

An inflammatory sheet, hostile to the Council, was circulated person to person.  When it reached me I knew immediately it should be suppressed and put it among the notes I was holding.  When the lunch break came I took the sheet to Vijay Singh and he said “good work” and told me to look out for anything else that undermined the Council (which legitimised my presence in the Closed Session).

I went to the screened-off area where the staff lunches were reserved, but was so late everything had been ransacked and I had to make do with leftovers (this has happened so often at Conferences that I now make sure I have a good breakfast).

Returning to the Closed Session after lunch I walked up to the hipster and told him Vijay Singh had asked me to attend the meeting.  He just said “cool” with that infuriating sub-Ryan-Gosling attitude of his and wrote my name on his list.  He is such a sneaky individual that I knew he would double-check with Vijay Singh in the hope of catching me out.

Special Resolution 3 – clashes over which projects would get funding over the next year, with an expected concentration of expenditure in the first five months of 2015.

Special Resolution 4 – “Our cellular structure counts against infiltration…” “…I was told I would have to resubmit and when I asked why I was told there were new guidelines.  I was asked for a copy of the guidelines and was told No, and when I asked why I was told it was because my submission had not been accepted…” “We are all standing under a sword of Damocles…” “In two years I will be seventy” (getting upset) “…we can’t go back and change history but we can damn well change the future…” “…at the end of the day we are all on the same side…”

Voting slips were collected (they are all named and numbered, so there was no chance I could vote).

Then the President stood up and read out a long list of thanks to various people, becoming tearful at places.

After the Conference had closed for the day I felt so tired I had to go back to my room and lie-down for an hour before attending the Drinks Reception for New Members (in which I talked to an Icelandic person – what possible relevance does the Institute have to Iceland?).

Later came the dinner with a guest so confidential it cannot be…

Then what? - Conference 1

Thursday 9th October 2014

I arrived at the Conference hotel about 7.15pm – long low modernist four-star establishment, surrounded by lush corporate vegetation that masked all-encompassing car parks.

After checking-in at Reception I took my suitcase to my room – comfortably non-descript in a soulless beigey sort of way, the lighting so subdued it was almost murky (I could hardly read unless I sat directly under one of the sidelights), the en suite bathroom clinically clean.

Then I unloaded my car of banners and literature and displays, setting everything up in the main hall and adjacent exhibition room (where I had allocated myself a table, mainly to have a “base” to call my own, somewhere I could retire to and defend should the internal tensions within the Institute spill over into open recriminations).

Then what?

It was just after 8pm.  My instinct was to retire to my room and have a sandwich supper in my room and an early night.  But I knew the Institute’s ruling Council had met earlier in the day and would be having dinner in the dining room.  I really needed to find out in advance what decisions had been made and perhaps influence them before they were announced to the members over the next few days.  As an employee of the Institute I was not entitled to attend the Council dinner (although Alec Nussbaum would be there).  I could go into the restaurant and just ask for a table, but it would be humiliating if I were to be seated in a corner away from the Council.

You have no idea how nerve-wracking it was for me to enter that restaurant and approach the long Council table at the far end (noticing other employees of the Institute pathetically seated in isolated corners – how galling if I were to be rebuffed and forced to join one of these losers).

I needn’t have worried.  As I approached the Council table (thirty or so people, most of whom I hadn’t seen since last year) I was waved at and welcomed by a Council member who has always supported my ideas.  More than this, she insisted that everyone on that side of the table “budged up” so that a space could be created for me next to her, and cutlery and a wine glass were brought over, and I joined in the meal and conversation as if I were a Council member myself.

Often I am told to “tone things down”.

But there are sometimes advantages to being outspoken (insofar as a retiring, shy, passive person like myself can be outspoken).

It gets you noticed,

It attracts patrons and supporters who want to say the same things but can’t because of the position they are in.

There were no criticisms when I gave my report, which was a relief - the past week at work

Monday

A rush to arrange a Polish interpreter for the weekend.  This involved a lot of 'phone calls.  Perhaps I am not at my best troubleshooting (I said this Alec Nussbaum and he said I was like Alexander Haig, I get mad when things go wrong).

I worked on the broadcast copy research, the deadline drawing uncomfortably close.

A proposal to tie up inheritance bequests (specifically from grandparents) in a scheme so that the money can only be spent on education and training.

Tuesday

Most of the morning spent on a photoshoot - portraits of the Council.  We used the corner office as a makeshift studio.  Just head and shoulders shots, but the photographer took hours fussing about.

A brief from Ashish Sharma.  He is so woolly and vague that talking to him is very tedious.  I wondered if anyone would notice if I just ignored him (the Birmingham office has gone downhill since he took over).

Wednesday

I had allocated the day to writing my report for the Management Meeting tomorrow.  But there were so many interruptions (telephone calls and e-mails) that I did not make much progress.  I worked through lunch to get the basics done.

The heat almost unbearable.  Two electric fans on my desk.  But I did not take my tie off.

A call from Alec Nussbaum asking me to so a report for tomorrow about the "competition".  Although it was very short notice and an extra thing to do, I did not mind doing this report.  I argued that sometimes your competitor is your best friend.

Thursday

Rain and then hot sun makes the atmosphere humid.  Some of the rain has been torrential.  Driving to work one saw a green wet landscape sparkling in the dazzling sun.

I was at my desk a few minutes early and opened the new e-mails that had come in.  Then I spent an hour editing my report for the Management Meeting.  I finished just in time.

The meeting started at 10 and went on for four hours.  Alec Nussbaum chaired the meeting - he has a surface amiability but is actually deeply cynical.  It was very clear that he was double-checking information as it was given to him.

There were no criticisms when I gave my report, which was a relief.

During the sandwich lunch talk turned to Gaza.  Alec Nussbaum became very animated and said that Israel had twenty-five thousand activists around the world who are used to influence opinion.  "That's how I want us to be" he said, "we are building a big team of opinion-formers who can sotto voce promote our ideas without seeming partisan".

After the meeting I checked proofs.

Friday

I gave some work to Joey, a graphic designer we sometimes use.  He was sunbathing when I rang him.  "My shoulders are burned" he said.

Doors at Head Office were closing on me - the past week at work

Monday

Alec Nussbaum's forward planning day.  Various people came up from Head Office for us to meet ahead of the merger.  I met R who has taken over the Exhibitions programme from David L.

Tuesday

Most of the morning spent dealing with e-mails.  It was a lazy sort of day and I have hardly any major projects to be working on.  My workload is not at all demanding, and without a Director based in the offices it is difficult to see where new work will come from.

Wednesday

Into London for a series of meetings. 

The Ritualisation of things to make them permanent seminar was interesting. 

A meeting with R and David L (who leaves at the end of the month).  They talked about exhibitions as a way of doing research.  R warned me (superfluously) about Alec Nussbaum ("He can be difficult - he rebukes people in public").

Then a meeting with Mary McF who leaves on the 25th.  It was a meaningless meeting that lasted forty minutes.  Unlikely I will see her again.

Then I went up to wait for Ashish Sharma.  I waited thirty minutes.  Then his assistant told me he had cancelled.

Into the Breaking Through Barriers presentation.  It was a big meeting.  New Zealander Cathy Q (aged in her 20s, friendly to everyone) struggled in her delivery.  The odious Anne Boswell-Urquart was at the presentation, and in the discussions I made a point of disagreeing with everything she said.  I meant this to be subtle, but she obviously noticed and snapped at me.  About fifty people at the presentation.

I left feeling that doors at Head Office were closing on me, and not just the crash as I went out the security gate.

Thursday

The countdown to next year does give a theme to the passing days, although most of the Institute's projects are already prepared and implementation is left to others.

The minutes for Breaking Through Barriers arrived by e-mail, with everyone asked for feedback - I was generous as I like Cathy Q, but she needs to do a lot more work on the campaign.

Friday

The system was down again, which was irritating. 

When I returned to my desk after lunch Karen S (works in telephone surveys) presented me with a choc-ice to mark her birthday.

As the system was still down I went into the Reading Room and picked a book at random off the shelves - a slim book Assets and Progressive Welfare.

Usual circulars arrived for the weekend.

I am not disheartened by the surveys, I have hope for the future.

In a perfunctory sort of way I worked - the past week at work

Monday

Overnight I did not sleep all that well.  The temperature alternative too hot then too cold.  Until I realised that it was not the temperature but myself that was going hot and cold.

I got up feeling terrible.  Aches and pains all over and a complete lack of energy.  Rare meeting with my brother in the outer kitchen (he is usually gone by the time I get up - he just told me I had a cold and I should pull myself together.

In retrospect I suppose I should have taken the day off, but so much to do this week meant I had to go in.

Because of the seminar and dinner on Thursday there were lots of people in the offices attending the planning meeting.  Vijay Singh appeared and we chatted affably although we do not like each other.  He is giving the main address on Thursday, which will be interesting.

Also I worked on an article for a publication - it has to be tediously bland, but has a circulation of 120,000 of the people we need to reach.

Some members of the Council appeared at lunchtime.  So thoroughly has Alec Nussbaum taken over that it is a mild surprise to realise that we are accountable to these elderly gentlemen.  One of them said to me:  "The reorganisation has created a vacuum, and nobody knows what is likely to happen next".

Instead of joining the buffet lunch in the Board Room I took refuge in Deputy Director Marcia Walsh's office and watched BBC2 on her laptop.

Late afternoon an e-mail with the news that David L at Head Office had been made redundant (I worked with him on the exhibitions programme). 

The city where the office is located can be a disturbing place away from the historic centre.  Mostly put up in the 1970s and 1980s it generally appears well kept as you drive along the boulevards.  Then you see see a burnt out car on a roundabout that had not been there in the morning and you realise that there are a lot of social problems.

Tuesday

Alec Nussbaum this morning:  "I have in my mind an over-view of British society and how it is integrated".

I did some research for the media paper I am preparing.  I had been concerned that it would be difficult, but once I began to break it down into sections it was not too bad.  I went out at lunchtime just to get away from it for an hour - going to a cafe in the shopping centre they were playing Diana Ross I'm Still Waiting which seemed to sum up my mood.

When I got home I immediately fell asleep on the sofa for an hour, the dogs not yet fed.

Wednesday

Uncomfortably cold in the office.  Obviously the heating has been turned off for the summer.  I borrowed Marcia Walsh's electric bar heater.

Lots of people still milling about, staying in local hotels ready for Thursday.  They come into the office because I suppose they do not have anywhere else to go.  Mostly they looked bored. 

The financial situation for the Institute does seem to have eased.  Thursday is in many ways a fund-raiser as the Council and members could wipe away our debt easily if they wanted.  They just need convincing that what we are doing is worthwhile.

Thursday

Although I was in a rush this morning I was sufficiently annoyed at the state of the Morning Glory that I stopped and put some gravel around the base (the leaves are being eaten by slugs!).

In the office everyone was stressed.  An open clash between Marcia Walsh and Office Manager Gladys Y over some tiny mundane item (copying handouts I think).  Then everything was packed into cars and driven to the hotel.

The seminar/AGM went well.  I was so familiar with the content (having seen all the drafts) that I sat quietly at the back and did the live Twitter posts, most of which I had drafted advance.  Still feeling very unwell so that I considered missing the dinner, but actually I was very glad I attended it.

Friday

I slept quite soundly, the first time this week.  The hotel room heating was full on, which may have made a difference.  Like everyone else I went straight from the hotel to the office.

Although we were at work, the day had the atmosphere of a holiday.

In a perfunctory sort of way I worked on the media supplement.

I sent 500 words to the in-house magazine - Danielle at Head Office e-mailed me "I laughed so much I got hiccups".

At 4pm everyone left.

We can go our own way

After the dinner last night everyone was light-hearted (or light-headed?) in the office today.

When the news about Juncker came through Alec Nussbaum put on Fleetwood Mac and actually sang "We can go our own way" with jazz hands and Katie from Finance & Fund Raising jumped up and down and we all joined in the chorus.

A surreal but happy moment.

To appreciate how surreal you have to know how sober and humourless Alec Nussbaum usually is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ul-cZyuYq4&feature=kp

Evasive - the past week at work

Monday

An upgrade of the computer systems was taking place, which resulted in most of the morning being wasted, Marcia Walsh (Deputy Director) talking about "the cloud" as if she was an expert (which she is not).

Most of the day I spent working on a presentation.

I talked to Gary (Assistant in the Reading Room) about his house and garden - "I want to get it as low maintenance as possible" he said seriously.

Tuesday

Big all-day management meeting, with stand-in Director Peter M arriving from Head Office to chair it.  The minutes for the last meeting could not be found, which meant they could not be discussed, which in turn meant they could not be signed-off.  Peter M regarded this as a serious matter and was very sniffy with Marcia.

John L from Head Office was also at the meeting, and Peter M announced that he was the new Director and would run the Institute from London.  When asked by Abi Reed whether the Institute would physically move to London he was very evasive.

The rest of the day consisted of John L holding one-to-one meetings with all the staff, while outside the room huddles formed and reformed and whispered conversations were held.

The general view was that the Institute was safe for at least a year (which is obvious really, given the timing of various events).

Wednesday

Jutta, our German receptionist, is counting the days until she leaves.  She told me she leaves her house unlocked and the back door open so that her dog (an Alsatian) can get in and out.  The dog is so fierce no-one is likely to break in.

Appreciative e-mail from head office, praising my work.  Sometimes I wonder how much people know about what I am doing.  There are lots of meaningful nods and encouraging words that relate to nothing specific.

The Birmingham job was advertised, but I have already decided I am not interested.

Thursday

Abi Reed told me meaningfully "Keep you head down until the next reorganisation".

What did she mean by that?  Was it a specific warning or just a general warning?  Or was she just inanely repeating what someone had said to her?

Most of the day spent on website issues (which are perennial).  

Friday

Up to Head Office in London where I told Ashish Sharma I was not applying for the Birmingham job.  He appeared niggled by the news.  After the brief meeting there was nothing else for me to do at Head Office so I returned to the Institute, stopping off in the City on the way back to Kings Cross.

"I am advertising the Birmingham job" - the past week at work

Tuesday

So uneventful have my days become that I stopped keeping my work diary for a couple of weeks.

The whole upper floor is in turmoil due to the telephone research team moving upstairs.  Abi Reed (who manages the telephone surveys) loud in her demands about how the desks should be organised.  I tried to ignore all the noise and disruption and concentrate on the seventy e-mails I had in my in-box. 

I also spent time marshaling some evidence to present at an internal meeting.

Gary (Assistant in the Reading Room downstairs) on holiday but came in with his toddler son on his shoulders.  I suppose he was interested in what might be happening to the ground floor - the rumour is that it is being moved back to London.  "You don't even say hello" he said accusingly to Deputy Director Marcia Walsh.

In the afternoon an e-mail from Dawn offering me some freelance work (which at the moment is generating more money than my salaried job).

Most of the afternoon I spent writing copy.

Wednesday

I slept better.  When I went downstairs I found both cats asleep in the long sitting room (where the curtains were still drawn and the room dark - my brother usually opens all the curtains when he gets up at 5).  Only time for a cup of tea before rushing off.

In the office the disruption continued as Telephone Surveys continued the move upstairs - "I've come over here to hide" said Karen S, sitting at the empty desk next to mine and pretending the move was nothing to do with her.  She told me that the Surveys team was under a lot of pressure to get more commercial work as the Institute was facing a financial squeeze.  Rumours that the ground floor is being cleared so that it can be let out.

I spent the day working on reprints.

Thursday 

On the whole I think having more people upstairs has improved the atmosphere.

Friday

E-mails from Mark Griffiths at Head Office which required long replies so that I felt exhausted when I had finished them (you have to be so careful what you say).

I chatted to Karen S as we both made coffee in the kitchen area. 

Then I worked on an article in the style of a short story.  Not sure if it worked or not.  I put it away to look at later.

A telephone call from Ashish Sharma who told me pointedly "I am advertising the Birmingham job internally next Wednesday".  He is obviously offering me it (but I could not run that operation without moving to Birmingham and I have already decided not to do that).  I said I would give it serious thought.

Later I thought again about the Birmingham job.  It would be a step forward, and more money.  Perhaps I could work at home and just go there once a week?

New acquisitions - the past week at work

Monday

Arriving this morning I was sifting through the heap of paper on my desk when Marcia Walsh (Deputy Director) asked me into her office where Office Supervisor Gladys Y was already seated in one of the chairs.  Marcia Walsh told us both that she had been asked to be Acting Director for the foreseeable future.  However I am not reporting to her but remain reporting to Alec Nussbaum directly.

In the light of this change I spent the rest of the day reassessing all the projects I am currently working on and destroying anything sensitive (Marcia Walsh is the sort of person who will go looking through your desk).

Tuesday

Among the e-mails this morning was one praising the "superb" work I did last year, asking if I would consider doing a similar campaign.

In the afternoon I planned more literature distribution, and booked space at exhibitions.

Wednesday


Most of the day I spent in the Reading Room downstairs going through some of the new acquisitions.  In particular Stuart Eldon's Territory.  This book had been held up at Head Office (it was published last year) and someone had made pencil notes in the margins:

"Anthropocene... a pre-modern system... useful for complex circumstances... aim for equilibrium in society and the question is how do you manage that... stress produces results... look for imbalances... during the life of the average individual the relationship to the territory is less or more important...  need to counter the agents that are disruptive... territory is seen as a unity... territory is a perpetual dynamic for any one person at any one time... people get stuck in their frustration... look for case studies..."

Thursday


Alec Nussbaum rang me.

I told him "I am thoroughly demoralised".

Friday

Working at home, although in fact I did very little work.

Collecting and listing documents - the past week at work

Monday

It is now so mild I can take my cup of coffee into the garden to see what new plants are coming up - the Morning Glory almost double in size.


At the office Matthew P from Head Office was already there carrying out "an investigation".  Brief feelings of panic until I realised it was not me he was investigating.  I talked to him for two hours and gave him as much information as I dared.

Tuesday

I am in a position where unless I find myself things to do I would sit at my desk and do nothing.  And yet Matthew P yesterday pointedly told me my work is noticed and valued.  Almost all of the morning I replied to personal e-mails.

A lot of the afternoon I spent collecting and listing documents for Matthew P, adding my comments.

Wednesday

I went to London today specifically to take the documents to Matthew P (hand delivering them).

My cover for the visit was a very flimsy meeting with Dannielle E in Publications.  Unexpectedly she asked me if I would do some freelance writing for her, which was flattering.  I also talked to James B who leaves at the end of this week.

Leaving Head Office I went for a walk, glad to be in London again.

Thursday

The heating was off so that everyone in the office felt very very cold and everyone complained.

Most of the day I worked on a new presentation.

Martin H, a new person in finance, showed me pictures of his family. 

Friday

I worked at home.  Frequent 'phone calls from Alec Nussbaum.  There is a certain vulnerability to his plans.

Tensions - the past week at work

Monday

Responses to the mailshot have come in steadily, and I spent the morning analysing them and writing a briefing paper.

Tuesday

Tensions between the Reading Room staff (Gary and Matthew) and the Research team led by Abi Reed.  Abi wanted to look through the locked filing cabinets.  I would quite like to look through them myself.

Wednesday

A confidential meeting with a small group of volunteers who want to carry out a particular campaign.  I told them they should have more confidence.  One has to take risks sometimes. 

Thursday

A quiet day.  I talked to Deputy Director Marcia Walsh about the mess Head Office seemed to be in.  She revealed the Institute had received a big donation from a London dentist.

Friday

Another day spent working at home on Alec Nussbaum’s project.  He always rings me just after 9, presumably to check whether I am working or not.  My task is to produce scenarios and come up with ideas and angles.

Are all the rumours true? - the past week at work

Monday

Like most Monday mornings, the first couple of hours seems to be spent dealing with e-mails.  Some excellent pictures had arrived over the weekend.  I dropped them into a Powerpoint presentation.

I also worked on the Operation Plan for tomorrow's meeting.

Tuesday

A day spent at Head Office.

As soon as I arrived Danielle from Publications rushed up very excited about praise (from the highest level) for a publication I had done most of the writing for.

On an upper floor I met Ashish Sharma and he offered me a job in the Birmingham office (he had to get additional funding for the post - "I said you were invaluable").

I made a non-committal reply, but privately I made up my mind not to accept the post unless I could work from home.

Between meetings (of such banality I can hardly remember what they were about) I went for a walk to think about the job offer - Beech Street, the battered grandeur of Long Lane, Farringdon Street with its little courts and alleys, finally to the bridge and the grey rushing water of the Thames.

When I had hesitated Ashish Sharma had said I might not have much choice.  Does this imply that the Institute is moving back to London?  Are all the rumours true?

Wednesday

An e-mail from Danielle with the praise (names redacted) for the publication.  The praise was extensive.  Annoyingly it was sent to me in confidence, so I am unable to distribute it.

In a discussion with Deputy Director Marcia Walsh I caught her lying, which was a satisfying moment.

Thursday

A day on confidential work.  So confidential that Alec Nussbaum told me to work at home.  Working at home meant I hardly got anything done and just lazed about.

Friday

A photoshoot in the Reading Room downstairs.  I managed this, which allowed me to appear busy without actually doing anything.  The photos are for a mysterious "prospectus" that Alec Nussbaum is working on.

It is easy to get distracted - the past week at work

Monday

So many rumours about the Institute moving back to London that I sat at my desk this morning and considered how I would find a new job.

I worked on plans for a new mailshot, writing the letter and a leaflet that will go with it.

Tuesday

Once a week I work at home on a long-term confidential project.

Unfortunately it is easy to get distracted and I spent a lot of the day reading about the Younghusband invasion of Tibet.

Wednesday

All I seemed to do today was reply to e-mails.

Thursday

Arguments with Deputy Director Marcia Walsh, who also looks after finance.  As an economy she wants to stop any campaigns until the new Director is appointed.  I had to appeal to Alec Nussbaum to get my funding restored.

Friday

A lot of today I spent researching photographic images.  I find it a very pleasant task.  A good photograph can make all the difference.

Hughendon Manor, the home of Benjamin Disraeli

Last autumn, during a break from the AGM, the Institute organised a trip to Hughendon Manor, the home of Benjamin Disraeli and now a shrine to the great man.

Above:  Benjamin Disraeli came from nowhere, and was an outsider, but set himself up as an English country gentleman (although his manor house was built of factory-made red brick, not aristocratic stone).  This aspiring (or aping if you prefer) of the gentry class was more than just vanity.  Hughendon Manor should be seen as a tangible example of his philosophy - a seemingly unchanging world where modernity was veiled in traditional forms, and where aspiration was open to all who were prepared to conform - Hughendon Manor was his vision of England.

Above:  Queen Victoria reigned over the dining room, and indeed the whole of Hughendon Manor.  The monarchy was essential to Disraeli's conception of One Nation, providing a means of inclusivity where outsiders were bound with an official golden thread of sentiment and loyalty.  The monarchy also provided a mechanism whereby British prestige was projected onto the world stage.

Above:  photography was allowed in the house, but flash could not be used so this image is a bit blurred.  I was fascinated by the Library and could have spent hours (days even) going through the books.  Virginia Woolf said that a person's collection of books is an extension of their mind.

Above:  manuscript of Disraeli's Sybil in which the One Nation philosophy was first developed (although Douglas Hurd said it was Stanley Baldwin who fully developed the concept).  Is it not amusing that Labour is now advocating a Conservative philosophy?  Or perhaps Ed Miliband sees himself as the heir to Disraeli.

Above:  afterwards we walked about the gardens.  Pausing by a statue of a naked faun Alec Nussbaum talked about reclaiming the One Nation slogan.  The light rain dripped from the end of the stone penis in a way that was unsettling.

It must have been heard across the floor

All this week I have been working at Head Office (commuting to London takes two and a half hours each way, which is exhausting).

Foolishly I became involved in a tit-for-tat e-mail argument with Mary McF (Head Office Media Relations, sitting only a few desks away) copied to a wide audience - almost all the senior managers.

Eventually Alec Nussbaum appeared on our floor and told us both to go into a side office where he shouted "I don't know what is going on between you two but it ends NOW".

His shouting was so loud it must have been heard across the floor.

When I returned to the desk I was using I felt myself going red, which is a weakness I hate.

Flattering in a way, but it creates a lot of work - the past week at work

Monday

Cheerful temp Kerry back on Reception, which made a change from the Germanic angst of Jutta.

A morning spent replying to e-mails.

In the afternoon a long 'phone call from Terry about my confidential project (which he is funding personally) and the 438-day countdown.

Tuesday

Another rather drab morning.  I did some work on the exhibitions programme, although rumours indicate the exhibitions team is to be disbanded.  A variety of other small tasks.

Lunchtime I went with Tim Watts, in Tim's car, to a pub he recommended.  On the way back his car developed a fault and we had to drive, haltering and slow, to a Vauxhall service centre on the edge of town.  Many lads milling around, but we had to wait before someone could look at the car.  Tim very glum at the likely cost.  We were loaned a courtesy car.  Eventually I got back to my desk after being away for two and a half hours.

Wednesday

Editing copy for a leaflet, and then developing the rationale for the mailshot (although with the current vacuum of any authority at the Institute I could presumably just authorise the campaign myself).

Thursday

Busy in the morning, but with nothing really to show for it.

Various e-mails from Head Office arrived.  In the absence of a Director many people at Head Office are sending their requests to me.  Flattering in a way, but it creates a lot of work.
 
Friday

I should have worked at home on the confidential project today, but Alec Nussbaum asked me to go into the office to keep an eye on things (what did he mean by that?  keep an eye on what?  keep an eye on whom?).

More rumours about the Institute moving back to London, with Abi Reed (Telephone Surveys Manager) saying she had heard offices had been donated rent free in the Shard.  I told her this was nonsense.  The best we could hope for would be rooms above a shop in Cricklewood.

I finished preparing the access checklist.

I am able to entirely suit myself - the past week at work

Monday

Work on the presentation I am to give tomorrow.  In the past I would have been quite limited on what I could say.  But with the present lack of leadership at the Institute I am able to entirely suit myself.

Tuesday

I hate rushing to get a train.

For the first part of the journey I looked out of the window.  Lots of pheasants in the fields.  Through many little village stations without stopping.

Eventually, after changing trains twice, I arrived in Birmingham.  I thought how shabby the centre of the city looked as I walked to the Institute's Birmingham office - asian legal aid, cheap takeaways, homeless people in various doorways including in what looked like a drinking club.  Cold day so that I was glad to get indoors.

Through security, along corridors, up flights of stairs.

Welcomed by Ashish Sharma, who as usual seemed very pleased with himself.

A buffet lunch, substantial but not good quality.  Then I delivered my presentation, talking for an hour and a half, eleven people ranged in a half circle.  It was well received with many questions.

Back to New Street Station.  The train was late.  I felt cold standing on the platform among hundreds of commuters.

Wednesday

Most of the day I spent drafting an article.  It will need to be revised, but the basics are there.  Often I looked out of the window at the huge clouds moving quickly across the sky.

Thursday

A day spent at home working on the confidential project.

Friday

I finished the article I had drafted on Wednesday and sent it off. 

The storm in the afternoon and evening was alarming - the noise of the wind was tremendous, even inside the office.