This “snap appraisal” was a bluff

I arrived in the office and looked at the tasks for the day (not particularly onerous ones). Keith Williams on the Sales Desk was singing a song that consisted of the words Dry Your Eyes Mate endlessly repeated until Greg Mitton loomed over his desk and told him to shut up.

My assistant, Adrian Taylor, was still spending an excessive amount of time talking to his friends on the Sales Desk, despite my previous warnings (I get blamed by the other managers because he doesn’t appear to be occupied. The Sales Director is hinting that the Marketing Assistant post could be cut out in the next budget round). I determined to put a stop to this.

I called Adrian Taylor into the Board Room and told him I was holding a formal appraisal of his work. We went through his job description, and I highlighted his various short-comings, complained about his poor attitude, and told him to buck his ideas up. He sat slumped in a chair on the opposite side of the table, his arms folded and a petulant expression on his face. At one point he muttered to himself “I can’t win” shaking his head in silent disbelief at the tyrannical way in which he was being treated (actually he has one of the best junior jobs in the company, for which he is paid £14k per annum – not bad for someone who has no marketing qualifications. We are usually very leisurely in the Marketing Department, and very seldom is he expected to work hard. Possibly he is bored, but he doesn’t take an interest in any of the website responsibilities I’ve offered him).

Actually this “snap appraisal” was a bluff (although Adrian didn’t know that). I couldn’t hold a real appraisal without involving Personnel, and the poisonous old harpy who is our Human Resources Director encourages junior staff to inform against their managers, so the whole thing could have backfired.

I find managing other staff difficult and I get no support from the directors. Originally there wasn’t a marketing department at the company. Then the Managing Director decided he wanted one, and advertised for a Marketing Executive. When I had been in the job a couple of months I started calling myself Marketing Manager, and unilaterally changed the title on my business card. Everyone seemed to accept this, including the MD. A year later I was allocated an Assistant, and Adrian Taylor was recruited. A few months later Caron Maryatt was placed under my responsibility (previously she had reported to the Internal Sales Manager). In no time at all a fully operational Marketing department had appeared, and began running campaigns (much to the disgust of some of the sales managers – “You’ve got the cushiest job in the company” Mark Miller once said to me).

Another unique aspect of my job is that I seem to have an unlimited budget to spend. Every time I raise a purchase order or sign off an invoice, no matter how extravagant I’ve been, nothing is ever said. Even when I think “This time there’s definitely going to be trouble” the thing goes through. All this is in contrast to others who get shouted at for ordering too much stationery or putting client drinks onto their expense accounts.

The company is doing extremely well. Money is pouring in. The in-fighting between rival managers is getting nastier. Marketing is aloof from all this. We seem to exist in a bubble that sooner or later (I just know) is going to burst.