“It will happen because I want it to happen”

The meeting today was so important that I interrupted my holiday and came into the office especially, even though the notice had been unreasonably short and I would have been justified staying away.

The meeting was held in the Training Centre as the Boardroom was being refurbished. All the senior managers were there, plus some other, more junior, people who were included because their contribution would be “valuable” (in other words they would support the right side, since it was clear that this meeting, like all other meetings, had been carefully set-up beforehand). The meeting had been called in response to a mini-rebellion among the sales teams about the transfer of half the sales desk to the Glasgow office.

Most people had taken their seats by the time I entered the room. I sat next to Scott Ryan (top salesman) and regretted it the rest of the morning since his loud contributions and juvenile jokes were rather overpowering. Trevor Bush, Managing Director and owner, chaired the meeting. Trevor Bush is short, rotund, with curly grey hair and a rough East End voice. He is very intolerant of anyone who procrastinates or makes excuses. At one point in the meeting he slammed his hand down on the tabletop and said: “It will happen because I want it to happen.”

Sitting directly opposite me were my three worst enemies: External Sales Manager Kevin Slattery (in his fifties, fat stomach, short grey hair, round puffy red face, bad flaky skin, small round glasses, irritable apoplectic manner, arms folded throughout the meeting). Next to him was Southern Regional Sales Manager Craig Wymer (in his mid-twenties, slim build, short black curly hair, deep green eyes, very expensive suit, heavy black watch with a luminous dial. His shirt was white, with a faint narrow stripe to it, matching the stripes in his silk tie. He took his jacket off and rolled up his shirtsleeves – the cuffs were lined with mauve. He is very good at telling jokes and making people laugh, but he is deadly serious about his work and will take any criticism intensely personally). Next to Craig was Marion Conway, Human Resources Director (aged sixty, tall and slim in build, grey shoulder-length hair that occasionally is dyed blonde, always dressed in black, always wearing trousers. She has a very loud voice and will literally shout down anyone who disagrees with her. Her laugh is harsh and unpleasant, and used to great effect whenever she wants to indicate disapproval).

The meeting got underway with a presentation, delivered by Neil Hancock (Sales Director). The company has recently purchased a Sanyo state-of-the-art projector system, and there was some confusion about how to switch it on. When it was eventually working Trevor Bush did what he always does when there is a presentation – he got up and stood in front of the projection light, making shadows with his hands (birds, a motor car, the head of an old man with a pipe).

We had coffee at eleven. At lunchtime sandwiches and crisps arrived. It soon became clear why I had been included in the meeting. Kevin Slattery, Craig Wymer and Marion Conway were the ringleaders of the revolt, and were being publicly isolated and outmanoeuvred. My role, along with the others especially brought in to pack the meeting, was to support Trevor Bush and vote in favour of the Glasgow option.
We finished about three o’clock. I shall now resume my vacation, and return to the office after the bank holiday.