Recumbent effigy in a hill-top church.
The inscription said:
Passers-by pause and pray for me
As I am now so must ye be
Since June 2003 I have attended the funerals of my mother, my uncle, two aunts and my sister (two weeks ago). There are times when I have felt mired in death and grief, as if I am sinking into a quagmire that will eventually close over my head (a sensation reinforced by seeing my sister's coffin lowered into a deep hole in the ground - for days afterwards I felt afraid I was about to die myself). There is also the realisation that our hold on life is extremely tenuous - people can be here one day, and gone the next.
But this can also be liberating. I now know (in a way that I did not know before June 2003) that time is running out, and that I must not waste my life on things that are unimportant. Or people that are unimportant - such as my current line manager at work (an unscrupulous office bully and manipulative liar, he can't understand why I am not afraid of him. We have had several confrontations, and each time I have calmly told him what I think of him. He seems genuinely perplexed that his threats of dismissal have no effect on me). Rereading this paragraph, it seems very harsh! I don't mean to say that he's an evil man, just completely self-obsessed and amoral.
Even so, I wish I had a job that was more congenial. Perhaps one where I could concentrate on my writing. At the moment I feel like Charles Dickens forced to work at the blacking factory.
4 comments:
Please accept my sympathy for the losses you've had to bear recently.
And thank you for writing so elegantly about your life in and around London. I've always wanted to live there, and I hope that if I ever get the chance, I get to see the way you do.
If you are ever in London Stephanie send me an e-mail and I'll show you around.
thanks so much for the offer. Just as fair warning, I was a history major in college so I may ask you to drag me around to a lot of ruins, museums, etc. Fortunately, it seems you aren't averse to that.
Thanks again!
I am just catching up with my blog reading, so I am a little late in sending you my sympathy on the death of your sister. The loss of close family goes deep and I can understand and empathise with your feelings. I am glad that you have found a positive way to live with them.
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