He was refused entry

Simon Jordan, who works on telesales, came into the office this morning complaining of being beaten up last night. He had gone out drinking with a group of friends, visiting various pubs in the small commuter town where he lives. About the middle of the evening, when he had consumed seven pints of beer (seven pints on a weekday!) the group came to a pub where the entrance was protected by a large doorman. His friends were admitted, but because Simon was wearing an England football shirt he was refused entry (there had been a lot trouble in the town caused by men wearing England shirts and the pub had responded with a blanket ban on the garments).

After some negotiating Simon managed to get into the pub wearing a friend’s coat, which completely covered the offending shirt. “That was good thinking” said Adam Russell, who was listening to the story. “That’s because I’ve got it up here” Simon Jordan said, tapping the side of his head.

After a while Simon and his mates managed to get a table in the very crowded pub, and they sat down and continued drinking. Because it was hot, Simon took off his borrowed coat. The doorman came over to him and began to remonstrate, complaining that Simon was not keeping to his side of the bargain. Simon responded with various drunken smart-alec remarks. The doorman insisted that he couldn’t remain in the pub wearing an England shirt. Simon’s response was take off his England shirt and sit at the table half-naked.

The doorman pulled him to his feet, bundled him through the crowd, and threw him out into the street. During this process Simon Jordan was considerably manhandled and bruised (“people were punching me as I went past” he said). After he had been ejected from the pub, his friends did not follow him, but remained inside drinking.

This morning, telling us about his experiences, Simon was very matter-of-fact. “The professional bouncers are okay, the ones who have been trained” he said. “But you get the odd one who is just looking for a fight.” He said this philosophically, completely ignoring the fact that he had provoked the incident.